dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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