I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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