Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
