Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
