Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.