8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dating After Heartbreak
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk is not a location!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?