There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.