my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.