i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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