Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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