I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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