have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
