the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
