my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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