and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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