Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
