I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
