Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
