I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
