Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
