I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
