You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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