I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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