This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
