And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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