Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
