I just pynch a tree in the face
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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