We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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