We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
