We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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