new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
