Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
