the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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