Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
