shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
