I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
