just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
