I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
