i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
