he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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