I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
