ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
