If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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