Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
