Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
