PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize