I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
