i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
