Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
