K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize