i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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