What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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