Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
