i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
