They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
