I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
