So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
