david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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