I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
