I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I love having hate sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
