Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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