i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
