dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
