He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
