so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
