so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize