capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
