why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
