thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
