it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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