I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
