ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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